Seriously Fucked Up…

I have no idea what’s going on in my life anymore. I just can’t cope with much more of this shit.

I went out last night, knowing Chris would be there and that was cool. We saw each other, said “Hi”… that was that. Then Scunty got dumped and came over for a chat… then it got weird…

Scunty started his “Hey, you’re not with Chris… so how about me?” thing… As easy as it might have been to close my eyes and make him Chris… he’s not. He’s one of Chris’ mates and it’s all just too wrong! He did agree that Chris spending so much time with James may be a bad thing though. If Chris inherits James’ arrogance… well… it will be a real shame.

Then me and Chris got chatting, had a laugh… had too much of a laugh really. He gets me too well, always has done. Since the day we met he got what I was on about. The night was good, but leaving separately has broken my heart all over again. I can’t bear to see him knowing that it’s over. It’s not getting easier… it’s getting harder.

Right now I think I’m going to have to head into town. If I stay home much longer I’ll cry myself dry.